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Web copy tune-up: The Shop Front

See how I transform the hero section of a SaaS website to make it more conversion-friendly

Your value proposition is the first thing your visitors see on your website. If it misses the mark, it’ll leave visitors confused or uninterested—and that’s bad news for your conversions and sales. 

In this blog post, I’ll show you how to write a clear and catchy value proposition through a step-by-step process. The example we’re going to use is a SaaS business called The Shop Front, and we’re going to rewrite their value proposition copy. 

(This copy critique was originally part of a co-marketing collaboration I did with Wynter.io. Watch a video version of this blog below.)

What makes a strong value proposition?

For a starting point, a strong value proposition should ideally answer some fundamental questions: 

  1. What’s your offer/what can I get on this website?
  2. Who is it for? 
  3. How does it improve their life or solve their problem?
  4. How  is this different to similar products?*

*Answering this question is not always necessary, but it will be for products in a competitive marketplace (like this one). 

Let’s get familiar with the product we’re using as an example 

The Shop Front is a SaaS app designed for ecommerce websites. It enables sales advisors to offer a personalised customer service by responding to shoppers on multiple channels (like chat, whatsapp and video).

With the continued popularity of online shopping, tools like these can help ecommerce businesses to win sales and repeat business from visitors.

But does the company’s headline cut the mustard?

Reviewing the headline on the homepage

The headline here clearly doesn’t answer any of our fundamental questions, and just saying ‘welcome’ won’t make people feel welcome either. So this kind of copy is really a waste of space—what I call a ‘white noise headline’.

The Shop Front Headline


Checking the intro copy 

The first line below the headline could be helpful if the headline had set the context better. But for visitors who know nothing about this product/company, this line is meaningless—it doesn’t answer any of our questions.

The Shop Front Headline

The second line, however, is a big improvement. It tells us who this is for (ecommerce), what problem it solves (engaging the audience) and how it does it (through video, chat, etc). Now we’re getting somewhere.

What about the CTA buttons at the bottom?

Call-to-action buttons are there to provide an easy journey for the customer, but they also play a role in answering those initial questions. 


I like the button on the right because it helps to answer the question of who this is for. If I have a Shopify website, I immediately know this is for me. Plus, the wording is nice and clear and I know exactly what happens when I click it. 

What about the CTA on the left?

Unlike the other one, the left-hand CTA sucks. The copy doesn’t indicate what happens when we click it, so our visitors won’t feel good about doing so. That could hurt our conversions, big time.

The clarifying copy below does mention no credit cards, which suggests there’s a free trial waiting. But the point is, we never want to force our visitors to join the dots—instead, let’s make everything easy for them. 

Let’s do a quick recap on the analysis so far

So, what have we found up to this point? 

  • The second line of body copy answers some of our fundamental value proposition questions
  • The main headline and the first line of the body copy don’t answer any of our questions, so we have some spare real estate we can use
  • The CTA button on the left-hand side is confusing 
  • What’s also missing is any kind of indication of what’s unique about this kind of project

All this means that we can make better use of the available real estate to clarify what the offer is and make this app stand out from the competition.

And in order to explain what’s unique about The Shop Front, we need to learn more about its features.

Looking for key features that can help us improve our value proposition 

If you go through the website, you’ll notice that The Shop Front has several features that make it a great app. Let’s identify these and incorporate them in our value proposition to sell harder. 

Multi-channel engagement 

So, this feature allows customers to talk to sales advisors through Facebook, email, video, or chat. That’s cool - it gives customers the option to choose the communication channel that’s most convenient to them.


Video and audio chat with sales advisors

This feature is one of the most differentiating benefits of this app, as it allows customers to communicate through video and audio, which a lot of ecommerce websites don’t have yet.


Stream products direct to your customer’s screen

If I understand the copy correctly, this feature allows sales advisors to control what the visitor sees. The sales advisor can show the customer specific products suitable for them, just like in a physical store.


Create public or private products

The last feature allows sales advisors to edit images, descriptions, and prices to offer customised products to customers. Presumably, this is helpful when advisors want to offer special deals on complementary products.


The key takeaway from looking at these features?

This app enables ecommerce businesses to offer a very personalised experience to customers. It replicates the experience you have when you visit a shop and have a face-to-face conversation with a sales representative. 

That’s what makes this product interesting, and that’s our ‘angle’ for setting it apart from others. 

So, let’s incorporate this in our copy. 

Bringing out the primary benefit in the headline 

Changing the headline was tricky, with space for only about 4 words - so here’s what I did:


This headline conveys the key benefit of the product, answering our third question ‘how does this solve a problem/ improve my life?’

You might be thinking, “But Jon, why bother saying shopping? Isn’t all ecommerce about shopping?”. It is, but we need to be clear about who we’re making it personal for. With this wording, it’s clear we’re making the ecommerce experience personal for shoppers (rather than business owners).

Aligning the first line of the body copy with the headline


The revised first line of body copy answers the question (‘what can I get here’) by saying that this is an app. It also expands on the promise made in the headline, explaining that it offers businesses a chance to create an ‘in-store experience’ for customers.

I’ve also used the words ‘Plug’ n play’ here to show how simple this app is to use, just to ramp up the selling power a little more. 

Tweaking the second line of the body copy to help our offer stand out

The revised second line continues to clarify how our product makes ecommerce shopping more personal. 

To highlight the unique selling points of the product, I’ve moved ‘video’ to the front of the list, and ended by talking about ‘personalised offers in real time’. This answers the fourth question of our value proposition, “how is this different to other similar products?” 

Lastly, I’ve intentionally said “personalised offers” rather than “tailored” or “bespoke” offers to link this nicely to the word “personal” in the headline.

Making the left-hand CTA button conversion-friendly


The updated button copy now makes it clear what happens when customers click. By creating a more straightforward journey in this way, we increase the chances of getting conversions.

Conclusion 

The strength of your value proposition can have a massive impact on your website’s selling power—and for a SaaS business, that can mean sink or swim.

When visitors land on your site for the first time, a strong value proposition will let them know they’re in the right place and hook them into reading more. And we can ensure that happens by following the 4-question framework we just discussed.

I hope this demo helps you get better at writing value propositions so you can super-charge your own conversions! Contact me here to hire me for an in-depth copy review

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